Terrified....

I didn't want to take the pregnancy test. Honestly. I just took it because I had nothing better to do. Of all the months I didn't freak out and notice every single "possible" symptom of pregnancy, or sink into the world wide web for hours trying to determine whether or not this "twinge" of pain meant pregnancy - I would have to be pregnant and not even notice it.

In retrospect, I noticed things that sort of told me I was pregnant but didn't want to go thru the two week wait, which is absolutely horrible in itself so I didn't make a fuss or give two thoughts about it. I literally took the test because it was there. And the way I saw it, what do I have to lose....

As I was peeing on that little stick, for the whole 15 seconds that I peed, I wondered "what if" and quickly put that out of my mind and EXPECTED a negative. I would have bet "all in" had I been in the midst of a poker tournament. However, much to my surprise, before i had even pulled the test out from my urine stream (yes, I peed an entire 3 minutes) it was clearly positive.

Imagine....something that you have wanted desperately but never considered would actually happen to you, is now happening and is real. I'm not sure how long I sat there and looked at the pregnancy test, but I do believe I said "oh my gawd" about 48 times before I stood up and pulled my jammies up. At which time, I took a picture of it and sent it to my sister, then I skidded out of the apartment...pregnancy test in hand and drove (probably the speed limit, because I had just gotten a speeding ticket in Greenbrier...but I coulda said 100 miles an hour just to add some risk to the story) to Vince's work to make him gaze upon this pee covered stick and tell me if I was seeing things or if this thing really said positive.

I walked in the door, and much to my dismay I couldn't locate Vince because he was in the bathroom. So I stood there, impatient...shaking...and holding that preg test like it was some sort of piece of American History that would be insanely valuable had I been standing at an auction with it. Suddenly, Vince walked out of the restroom as I was scanning the room for him. I don't think he totally understood the look of bewilderment on my face because he casually came up to me and gave me a peck on the lips and said "hey baby...". So nonchalant, as I was in the throws of an all out emotional meltdown. I held up the pregnancy test and asked him if it said positive. I didn't even give an introduction or announcement that I had take a test....just asked him what the thing said. He looked at me....looked at the test, then just looked confused. He walked out the back door and said "I need some light". Then looked at me and said, I don't know what it says...I need the instructions.

Ugggggh. Seriously. Who needs instructions? I just need to know if the dang thing says "a plus sign" or a "minus sign". Together, we determined that it was definitely a positive (which I already knew, just needed someones confirmation....and had I not found Vince, I would have walked up to anyone on Kavanaugh and asked them....

And the anticipation keeps getting stronger. I don't think I can possibly read enough about having babies and what your body and baby go thru together on this journey. I feel like I've exhausted all resources on the Internet because I believe that I am now reading the same things over and over again. So now, my Internet usage is limited to "photos of babies in utero at 8 weeks" or whatever week I've progressed to.

Vince is an amazing partner and I couldn't be more proud than to call him the father of my child. He is so caring, almost to the point where I feel bad that he does so much for me. We went to the E.R. the other night due to some severe pains I was having. Gladly it wasn't a miscarriage, but we sat in the E.R. for two hours before we got to go back to a room. Then we sat in the room for another 3 hours, and no one had come to check on me nor had the doc been in there to access the situation. Which I believe is absolutely ridiculous for a woman that is pregnant and possibly miscarrying. Vince got extremely irritated at the level of care I was receiving, and I told him that I thought we should just go to another hospital. And he said okay, but not before he shot his mouth off to the nurses about the lack of care the hospital provided. At which point, everyone in the hospital jumped on the ball and I got a pelvic exam, blood work, pain shot, two scripts, two ultrasounds, a catheter (unfortunately), and discharged very quickly after. :)

Seeing the baby is the most amazing thing. It makes it real. I knew it was real before, but to actually see in on the "screen" is like witnessing a miracle. You stare at it in absolute amazement, and wonder. Vince and I made THAT, as I point at the screen...eyes filled with tears, heart overflowing, and more thank you's for God than you ever gave for skirting absolute hell when you almost got caught sneaking out in high school. This is far beyond anything I have ever felt. And it has only deepened my love and passion for Vince. He's an amazing man, and I've found myself to be the luckiest woman in the world.